Title: Stay With Me
Author: speed_freak369
Genre: Angst,
Fandom: the GazettE
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: mentions of blood
Chapter: 2/?
Synopsis: Comprehension hit him like a ton of bricks as he continued to sob out his unheard sorrows until his throat ached and his eyes were red and sore.
Comments: If I don't get enough comments on this chapter, I'm discontinuing the story. I've lost interest in this, and if no one wants it, I'm not continuing it.

Rain.

It could be heard as it pitter-pattered against the roof rhythmically. A variety of small and large drops of water fell gracefully from the sky above the saddened institution and landed with a crash, their droplet forms suddenly exploded with a soft noise, though the noise only grew louder as more droplets met their doom. He had always thought of them as kamikazes; they were designed to fall from the atmosphere so they would hit the earth below, ultimately resulting in a very quick death. It was easy for him to take something as innocent as the simple rainfall and twist it into something morbid and depressing. It was just too easy for him to spot the negative in something that was meant to be mostly positive. Easy to corrupt its’ simple beauty.

As a child Uruha would lie in bed during the night and listen to nature’s music playing softly outside his window and enjoy it until it slowly sung him to sleep. Even though he thought oddly of the rain he found it to be something almost magical. He never understood just how something so magnificent could be created because it wasn’t just water that kept the planet alive. It had another meaning; it was a simple joy for all who were around. The rain was just the soft drumming in the background as the crickets and toads sung somewhere off in the distance. Together the three joined the rest of Earth’s creatures and created an unintentional band that played so softly and peacefully they lured everyone to sleep. And this time wasn’t much different.

A small yawn escaped the patients mouth as he lazily held a hand up to suppress it. Yawning had always seemed rude to him and it didn’t matter if he was alone in his room. His eyes slipped shut as he rolled onto his stomach and pulled his legs to his chest under the single blanket covering his thin frame. As much as nature was singing and as much as sleep called for him he simply couldn’t sleep and he knew exactly why: he was lonely and incredibly uncomfortable. The bed in his room was the object making him uncomfortable the most. There was only a single pillow that wasn‘t soft to any extent and stained with a substance he didn‘t care enough to know what it was, his sheets were thin and white, and he had a small, very small, white comforter that didn’t block the cold of the nights from kissing his body. However uncomfortable it was didn’t matter as long as the rain continued outside, because nothing relaxed him more. But even the rain couldn’t make him forget about the feeling of unwanted solitude.

These were the nights he used to long for because they were peaceful and tranquil. All the stress from his day seemed to just drain from his tired body as he laid in Aoi’s arms and listened to the sounds around him. He could only wish to be in his room on his soft bed with his lover like old times, but he was stuck in a cold sealed room waiting for sleep to overcome him so he could repeat the same events that took place every single day. There would be no more Aoi kissing his cheek softly and lightly stroking his hip with his thumb. He couldn’t even trick himself into thinking he was back home anymore because nothing here was as peaceful. The sound of Aoi’s voice in the back of his head was no longer comforting.

His eyes opened slowly as he sighed in irritation. This was his fault and his fault only. He had been so stupid as the think he could just make it all go away on his own while he had others to think about. This was the sort of thing his doctor had wanted him to understand and he understood it fully, but he couldn’t stop himself from giving in to his desires. It wasn’t just about him because once Aoi became a part of him he had to think about the two of them as a whole and not as separate individuals. What one did would ultimately destroy the other, and that was just what he had done: he had destroyed Aoi. Uruha had only done it to get away from himself and Kumi because he saw himself in his mother. He had become everything that he had grown up hating and that was the worst part of it all.

Aoi didn’t know what to do with him anymore, and as much as he tried to hide it, Uruha knew. His words no longer soothed the blonde into relief and security. He couldn’t keep Uruha safe because his biggest threat was himself, and Aoi knew he could never save Uruha from Uruha because once he left his lover’s home anything could happen. And it did. Night after night Uruha would call hoping for one reason to keep himself going, one reason that would make him realize he needed to stay alive, but Aoi could never give him a reason that seemed good enough. Of course Aoi tried his best but his words seemed meaningless to the man on the other end. He was running out of things to say to comfort the man he loved but he never stopped trying. But soon the nightly phone calls between the two slowly decreased until they ceased to exist at all and Aoi knew he was losing Uruha to himself. The younger of the two was spinning out of control and there was nothing either of them could do if one wasn’t willing to be helped.

It had all grown to be too much for the older man and he couldn’t take it anymore. Dating Uruha had turned into a chore and it lost all its pleasure and enjoyment. As much as Uruha tried to block out the words Aoi said to him he just couldn’t. He didn’t want to hear what Aoi had to say because he was wrong; there was nothing wrong with him at all. Uruha swore he had his reasons for everything he had done. He swore and swore and swore until Aoi ceased to believe him even though he had never believed him in the first place. Aoi was tired and fed up with their relationship and the only way to save it was to save Uruha before things got worse. Uruha may have destroyed Aoi but Aoi would never let Uruha destroy himself. It would have been easy for Uruha to blame his lover for putting him in the institution but he knew deep down it was Aoi’s way of saving both of them.

A small sob erupted and spilled throughout the room as Uruha buried his face in the stained pillow. Comprehension hit him like a ton of bricks as he continued to sob out his unheard sorrows until his throat ached and his eyes were red and sore. He had gotten himself into this and only he could get himself out. The rain began to slow as stray tears slid down Uruha’s face. His eyes closed and the blanket was pulled to his chin. He knew what he had to do yet he wasn’t sure if he was completely willing. He was unsure of what was waiting on the other side.


---


Eyes opened gradually blinking at black particles as they danced across the ceiling. Everything he had ever wanted had been within reach; all he had to do was take that one last step and he would have been there, but then the hands closed around him and pulled him back to reality and he was taken away from everything: paradise, home, and his lover.

His arms ached and his legs wouldn’t move; his whole body failed to move the slightest inch. Restraints. Tight, painful restraints forced him down and in place on a hard steel bed. He had to be stay still and he had to attempt to stay completely motionless, because if he didn’t the restraints would cut into his skin and cut his slit wrists even more and irritated them. This sort of thing wasn’t supposed to happen to him, damnit. He was on his way to meeting euphoria and basking in its’ bliss and comfort. It was right there within reach.

Uruha looked around at the room he was in. He never once wondered how he had gotten there, nor did he care. All he cared about was finding a way out but he knew that wouldn’t happen. The walls were solid and padded, and there was no way out. Of course he knew there had to be a door, but finding that door was the trick. It blended in with the rest of the room and he wasn’t even sure if he was facing the right direction in the first place. Was the door behind him, was the door beside him, or was it in front of him? It didn’t even matter in the long run. He couldn’t get up even if he tried. The restraints were too tight and too far away for him to even think about using his teeth. In the end he just laid there staring at the ceiling and thinking until he heard feet against the floor, numerous feet, and a voice.

“I see you’re awake.” the voice said somewhere beside him. He didn’t care, he was still strapped down and immobile and the voice sounded stuck up and snobbish. A man leaned over him, his hands stretching out and inspecting his arms as Uruha looked up at his obsidian eyes and jet black hair.

“Kouyou, are you willing to tell me what you were thinking?” The man asked as he stood up straight and walked back towards the door where a group of white coat apprentices stood. The restraints were so tight and uncomfortable and it showed on his face; they continued cutting into his wrists and ankles and all he wanted was to be released. Uruha couldn’t even begin to think about what he had previously thought. All he wanted was for the damn restraints to he removed so he could get the feeling back in his limbs.

“Get these damn things off me.” Uruha demanded through gritted teeth and a sigh was heard somewhere in front of him. His legs moved on their own, fighting against the damn leather uncaring to the fact that blood was dripping down his feet.

“Did you try to kill yourself?” The man asked bluntly while handing his clipboard to one of the apprentices before walking to the side of the bed with a pointed look. Uruha quickly grew to hate that look.

“No.” Uruha shook his head and winced as the doctor sighed again. He knew it was a suicide attempt, Uruha knew it was a suicide attempt. Even the damn white coat apprentices knew it was a suicide attempt, but the restraints wouldn’t be undone until it was admitted and out in the open. Uruha could only watch as the doctor turned his back and left the room leaving behind a angry and murderous man strapped to a bed. And when he would be released, all hell would break lose. He was sure of it.

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